Something More

I read this on this blog (which I previously posted). http://mnssams.blogspot.com/ I really appreciate this article. Although I don't have it nearly as bad as many women, I can really identify with some of the points she makes.

Some Mothers Get Babies With Something More
Written by: Lori Borgman Columnist and Speaker

Expectant mothers waiting for a newborn's arrival say they don't care what sex the baby is. They just want to have ten fingers and ten toes.

Mothers lie.

Every mother wants so much more. She wants perfectly healthy baby with a round head, rosebud lips, button nose, beautiful eyes and satin skin. She wants a baby so gorgeous that people will pity the Gerber baby for being flat-out ugly. She wants a baby that will roll over, sit up and take those first steps right on schedule (according to the baby development chart on page 57, column two). Every mother wants a baby that can see, hear, run, jump and fire neurons by the billions. She wants a kid that can smack the ball out of the park and do toe points that are the envy of the entire ballet class. Call it greed if you want, but a mother wants what a mother wants.

Some mothers get babies with something more. Maybe you're one who got a baby with a condition you couldn't pronounce, a spine that didn't fuse, a missing chromosome or a palate that didn't close. The doctor's words took your breath away. It was just like the time at recess in the fourth grade when you didn't see the kick ball coming, and it knocked the wind right out of you.

Some of you left the hospital with a healthy bundle, then, months, even years later, took him in for a routine visit, or scheduled him for a checkup, and crashed head first into a brick wall as you bore the brunt of devastating news. It didn't seem possible. That didn't run in your family. Could this really be happening in your lifetime?

There's no such thing as a perfect body. Everybody will bear something at some time or another. maybe the affliction will be apparent to curious eyes, or maybe it will be unseen, quietly treated with trips to the doctor, therapy or surgery. Mothers of children with disabilities live the limitations with them.

Frankly, I don't know how you do it. Sometimes you mothers scare me. How you lift that kid in and out of the wheelchair twenty times a day. How you monitor tests, track medications, and serve as the gatekeeper to a hundred specialists yammering in your ear.

I wonder how you endure the clichés and the platitudes, the well-intentioned souls explaining how God is at work when you've occasionally questioned if God is on strike. I even wonder how you endure schmaltzy columns like this one-saluting you, painting you as hero and saint, when you know you're ordinary. You snap, you bark, you bite. You didn't volunteer for this, you didn't jump up and down in the motherhood line yelling, "Choose me, God. Choose me? I've got what it takes."

You're a woman who doesn't have time to step back and put things in perspective, so let me do it for you.

From where I sit, you're way ahead of the pack. You've developed the strength of the draft horse while holding onto the delicacy of a daffodil. You have a heart that melts like chocolate in a glove box in July, counter-balanced against the stubbornness of an Ozark mule.

You are the mother, advocate and protector of a child with a disability.

You're a neighbor, a friend, a woman I pass at church and my sister-in-law.

You're a wonder.

Something Crazy

Do you want to hear something really crazy?

When I found out that I was pregnant, a friend of mine recommended an online support group. I joined the Oct 06 group and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Since that time, I have met so many women online who have had similar issues throughout pregnancy and infancy with our babies. I have physically met three of the women, one is Beth in the picture below.

Every time we have had issues and been sent to the hospital, they have prayed for Sam. One of them even writes poems for Sam.

One time, I got this big package with letters and cards and a few gifts, not to mention a gift card. I think that was after I had meningitis and Sam had his ICD implanted. Then, on Tuesday I received another gift from one of my online friends belonging to this group. Today, I received a package with a big plush toy, some books, cards and a DVD, not to mention a gift card to Wal Mart.

What a blessing these women have been to my heart. I have received support when I most needed it and they let me vent too. I just want to say thanks to them again. You have been a real joy in my life.

Just thought I would share.

Friends and Family

We had a great time in Atlanta (or Cumming), GA. On the way down, we got to see several friends. Here's a picture of Abigail, Beth and us. Abigail and Sam are about a week or so apart (Sam is older). They are from Wilmington, but were in Charlotte for the weekend. What an unexpected surprise to get to see them. Here's their blog (I stole this pic from it!).

We also got to see the Persall family in Spartanburg at their AWESOME house. I was so happy to get to visit, and Sam was happy to get out of the car. It took about seven hours to get down there with all of our stops.

Once we were in Cumming, we stayed with my aunt Nancy and her family. Her children are my only cousins - and they are 13 and (almost) 8 years-old, respectively. I had a fantastic time with them, and I know Sam did too. He fell in love with Meg (the 8 year-old) and loved playing ball with Sam (the 13 year-old). Uncle Mike babysat baby Sam for me so Nancy and I got a chance to go out and do a little shopping. It was the first time I've been away from Sam in a long long time. I really needed the laughter and love I got over the weekend - with no worries about a house or pending adoption. I really love my family.

On the way home, we stopped in Greenville to see Bill's sister, Jacque. Sam was happy to steal her fries at McDonalds. Another really pleasant visit with family.

I just got off of Skype with Bill. He's in the Philippines now. He's having a great time, but is a bit congested. I can't wait to have him back at home.

I got some video of Sam today. It'll take me a while to figure out how to upload it. I'm retarded with video computer stuff.

Atlanta

Wow, thanks for all the comments about the adoption. I knew this had been a long process, but I calculated the whole thing out the other day and it has been four years and four months since we started. Can you believe that? Plus, I'm more nervous about this homestudy than I was about the first one. What's up with that?

It has something to do with our rental home. It's not horrible, by any means, but it does have its issues. Our neighbors on one side smoke pot and lately have taken to playing their music very loudly. They have four children and her 22 year-old brother living with them. They also profess to be pagans. On the other side is a single woman and her four children with two different fathers. Her ex-husband was abusive and has taken to abducting (yes, taking them without legal permission) the children lately. This evening the two of them had a blow-out fight in the parking lot about money. They started the fight when he came to pick up the children (so they were present) and then he came back without the children, but with his mother, to finish it. I was very worried he was going to hurt her, but she went into the house before anything could happen.

She is a Christian and I believe God is working in her life to deal with everything that is happening. She comes over and hangs out with me sometimes, and her children LOVE playing with Sam (inside and outside my home). The other family is a bit more distant, but I have been able to make a connection with them as well.

Needless to say, there is a lot going on and I need a bit of a break from it, which is why Sam and I are driving to Atlanta tomorrow to hang with my aunt and her family. We'll stay until Tuesday. I believe it will pass the time without Bill being here a little faster.

The great news of the day is two-fold. One - the contract on the house is signed! We have a close-date of July 15th. Yeah!! Two - an adoption agency based out of Greensboro has agreed to do a partial (updated) homestudy for us! They seem very helpful, even with our unusual circumstances.

Bill is in Indonesia today - Bali, to be exact. They are doing an Operation Christmas Child (OCC)distribution! He is excited about it - because he finally gets to see the impoverished children receiving the tangible love of Christ up close. All of you who packed shoeboxes for OCC - I am going to have some awesome pictures for you to see the children who receive your boxes.

We're off early tomorrow morning.

Email From Chengdu

Some close friends of ours wrote out an email tonight from Chengdu. I asked them if I could post it on our blog and they said yes. I've changed it a bit for publication. Please pray for these folks. Also, they have some friends who have a small child and are expecting that live to the north of Chengdu and no one has heard from them.

We are at home now writing you and preparing for today. We are thankful for all of your prayers and your thoughts to us. Please continue to pray for the people here and that we would have wisdom on how we can help these people. We stayed the night in our home and were so thankful for peace as we slept. We are reminded that He cares for us, that His mercies are new every morning.

I was with the kids at home when the quake hit, the house was swaying like a boat and I ran with the kids with no shoes and nothing...they ran down 16 flights just asking the Lord to hold the building...the quake lasted about 3 minutes. When we got downstairs people were running everywhere. One Tibetan friend of ours saw me without shoes and just put her shoes on her feet.

Everyone waited by the street for several hours. Many people hugged the kids, hugged me and just were worried with them. Our house helper saw that we didn't have our dog, the kids had been crying that she was left there. She told them that she would try....she ran up the stairs and returned with Riley,our passports and the stuffed duck that our little one loved. It was so precious and very special to see her love for us.

My husband was taking his brother to the airport and felt like the car had a blow out, when he stepped out of the car to look at the tire, he felt the ground moving the same. The driver said hurry lets go, as they were under an overpass. They drove to the airport and saw that there were people everywhere...they began to make their way to us...through so much traffic they came to our home. He didn't realize the size of the earthquake until he saw us and just heard our story.

Fear gripped me in a way I have never experienced. I was so scared I would not get the kids out, I was scared that I couldn't find my husband....but the Lord has reminded me that He did not give us a spirit of fear, but of LOVE, POWER, and a SOUND MIND. My husband has said he has been reminded that God will never leave us or forsake us.

My husband made us a shelter in the corner of the soccer field and the kids slept so well in the tent. God sent us our brother-in-law, Bob, so we had one person holding each child. We needed one more set of hands and Uncle Bobby was there.

Will you ask for God to comfort our own fears and give us eyes for those around us...this is a time to be honest, where I want to hold my kids around me and keep them safe, ask that we could see others and have God's love to help.

Will you ask for our kids to have peace---that this would just seal in their hearts a trust in the Lord for His care.

We continue to feel aftershocks and just need prayer to have peace---the water and gas have been coming on and off...please ask for that "sound mind" for us as we care for our home and needs and things.

We look to Jesus--leaning, leaning safe and secure from all alarms, leaning, leaning, leaning on the ever lasting arms.

From Bell Shoals BC

We regret to inform you, our church family, that at approximately 11 AM this morning we learned that search and rescue teams found the aircraft of Pastor Forrest Pollock in the mountains outside of Asheville, North Carolina. Pastor Pollock, 44 and his son Preston, 13, did not survive the crash. Please continue to lift up Dawn and the children during this difficult time. We grieve with hope and assurance that our Lord Jesus will lead us and carry us through these difficult times.
We have lost a great brother, pastor and friend in Forrest Pollock as well as a precious little brother in Christ, Preston Pollock. We owe a great thanks to those who risked their lives, endured extreme hardship, and worked non-stop in the attempt to rescue our pastor and his son.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Earthquake Update

This is an email I got from a few of our friends in Chengdu, where the earthquake was. They have three little ones. They lived on the 16th floor of a tall apartment building.

I haven't heard from anyone in Yunnan yet.

Keep praying for our friends.

We are ok. I came home to get supplies. We are sleeping outside tonight. The kids were really scared to go back home. There are about 3000 people sleeping out at a near by college.

Congratulations, Adam and Kendall!

My twin brother and his wife had a baby boy today around 4:12pm. He called and told Bill her water broke and I was in the car within ten minutes. It took me three hours to get to Raleigh (with Sam) and she had already had the baby an hour before I got there! I'm envious of how great her delivery and pregnancy were!

Sam is doing great. No fever since the last time I posted on Thursday. He was just right to meet his new cousin!

By the way, the baby has no name yet. I'll keep you posted on that one. He's beautiful though. Dark hair and perfect in every way.

Long Day

Sam slept through the night, which was a little odd for him. When he woke up, he coughed so much he vomited. I checked his temp and it was 101.1F.

An hour after giving him his Tylenol, it is still 101F.

So, I guess we're in for a long day.

Getting Better

Sam seems to be feeling better today. He's only had a few moments where he found it difficult to breathe (he was wheezing). That was while he was in his pack-n-play taking a nap. Probably just from laying down. He had another low-grade temp last night - 100.8, but nothing today.

Melissa asked me about Bill's job. I guess I'm guilty of not sharing with you about how much he likes it. I've been a bit side-tracked lately!

Bill loves his job. He gets to speak with people all around the world who work with Samaritan's Purse every day. His mom came up a couple days ago and we took a tour of SP and it was great. We both got a little choked up when we saw the work they do with heart patients who are children from other countries. I saw a few pictures that really gripped my heart. They bring infants and children from around the world to different locations in America to have surgery done. They have host families take those families to their doctor's appointments. It is definitely something I want to be involved in.

Back to Bill. He is leaving on Monday to go to Indonesia and the Philippines for about 12 days. It'll be a short trip, but it's an important one. It's taken him a bit of time to get used to cubicle-work, but now that Matt is back (his direct supervisor and great friend), I think he's enjoying it more. He said he's going to go to Colorado soon too.

Bill comes home everyday with stories about how children received their shoe boxes and how those boxes contained exactly what they needed. One story was about the public schools in the Philippines, who require a uniform for every child. There was one girl who didn't have shoes and she was given a fine every day she showed up without her shoes. While Matt was there, she received a pair of shoes exactly her size in one of the shoe boxes. It was a sweet story.

Also, for those of you who were wondering about how my parents are fairing in Thailand - great. They were worried about the cyclone hitting them, but it turns out they only got a little rain. My brother and I were very concerned this morning since we hadn't heard from them in a couple days, but I used Skype-Out to call Dad while he was grocery shopping. He said my mother has a stomach bug, but besides that they are doing well. They'll be back this summer (late June) to visit family and friends.

Thanks again for your prayers. I saw a house today online that was posted last night. I'm going to go look at it tomorrow at 11am. It looks promising!

Another Childhood Virus

Ugh. I guess you know what I'm about to say.

Pray.

Sam has a low-grade fever and is coughing and wheezing some. We went to the doctor and they did a CBC and we learned that Sam's lymphocytes are elevated. This indicates a virus. So, his pediatrician called the doctor on-call and told him the situation. Everyone is on-alert in case something happens (e.g. a fever spike and a defib discharge, which will take us to the hospital).

His throat is red, which is probably why he stopped eating yesterday. His temp is so low - 100.6 - so I'm not too worried just yet. Let's just unite in prayer to keep it low!

I talked to his doctor about how hard I'm trying to clean his hands, but continue to take him to the park and other fun places. He was very happy with our situation and said to keep it up. Therefore, I can only conclude that I am not guilty of exposing him to something unnecessarily, but instead, I am keeping him social and helping him to develop as naturally as a 19 month-old.

Hey, at least it's not strep (negative culture today) or hand-foot-mouth disease!

We have also looked for houses, continually, and there still doesn't seem to be much in our price-range that is habitable. We have one house on our hearts that we are praying through right now. Please continue to help us!

Thanks.

Other People

I've been noticing a trend in how other people view Sam recently. I get a lot, and I mean a TON, of comments about how Sam is more susceptible to getting sick than other children. It comes in many different ways, like one woman told me, after Sam drank from her son's sippy cup, that her son is "tough" so she wasn't worried about him (i.e. Sam isn't tough). Other people make comments about us not going to certain places because Sam's immune system is compromised (like the Children's Museum in town).

Now, I realize that I have a lot to process regarding all of this. I also realize what opinions I form now will probably follow me the rest of my life. Hopefully I'll be able to change according to different situations though. Whatever the case, I feel very defensive.

So, let's get some facts straight. Sam does not have a compromised immune system. He is, in fact, less sick than a lot of children his age. The doctors have even done a SED test on him to see how his immune system is and it is absolutely perfect (the lower the number the better, and his is 0). The issue is that when he does get a common cold or another type of virus and gets a fever along with it, his heart starts beating rapidly.

Also, I believe Sam is one of the toughest kids I know. He can take shock after shock directly to his heart and stops crying about two seconds afterwards. He falls down and doesn't cry, unless he's overly tired. The kid is very tough.

Now that I've gotten that out, let me apologize to any of you for being short about it recently. I feel like a judgement on him is a judgement on our family and I really hate to hear things that aren't accurate concerning him. However, it is impossible for anybody to have the big picture anywhere near correct. I don't share everything that happens with anyone - if you were at the hospital and shared an experience with us, you MAY understand, but for the most part, no one is totally aware of what has happened besides us and his doctors.

So, I need to change my attitude of defensiveness. I'm sure that other families with these types of conditions have similar feelings and have worked through them. I know Sam is always going to be a "special needs" child and that his teachers will always need to be aware of his situation. I also realize that I will never be able to put him in the church nursery or another place that is a petri dish of germs. That is definitely different from other children. He will never be able to play contact sports, because the ICD might get hit and it could damage it. But, the infectious disease doctor said to allow him to participate in all normal activities where I can be with him. So, a children's museum is a perfect place for him.

The infectious disease doctor, his pediatricians, his nurses and his cardiologist ALL said NOT to put him in a bubble, real or figurative.

I hope that I can be a very conscientious mother, who will be aware of the situation, but allow Sam to experience new situations and have a good time with other children. But, I also know Sam is not like other children and I am going to have to get used to that fact. It makes me a little weepy even thinking about it. He acts totally normal and is developmentally right on schedule. But, he does have limitations.

So, in summary, please forgive me if I have offended you recently by jumping down your throat about Sam's health. I am unsure of how to process all of my feelings right now, but I feel fiercely defensive about him. But, I am praying through it and working through it with others.

By the way, when I heard my new friend say her child was "tough," I responded emotionally to it. She didn't mean a thing about Sam - it was just something I was already sensitive about and it stuck with me. I know many of you are probably reading that first paragraph and saying to yourselves, "geez, I will have to be careful with every little thing I say with Teesa." The truth is, it's my problem for being over-sensitive. I know it's a problem and I'm working on it.