Other People

I've been noticing a trend in how other people view Sam recently. I get a lot, and I mean a TON, of comments about how Sam is more susceptible to getting sick than other children. It comes in many different ways, like one woman told me, after Sam drank from her son's sippy cup, that her son is "tough" so she wasn't worried about him (i.e. Sam isn't tough). Other people make comments about us not going to certain places because Sam's immune system is compromised (like the Children's Museum in town).

Now, I realize that I have a lot to process regarding all of this. I also realize what opinions I form now will probably follow me the rest of my life. Hopefully I'll be able to change according to different situations though. Whatever the case, I feel very defensive.

So, let's get some facts straight. Sam does not have a compromised immune system. He is, in fact, less sick than a lot of children his age. The doctors have even done a SED test on him to see how his immune system is and it is absolutely perfect (the lower the number the better, and his is 0). The issue is that when he does get a common cold or another type of virus and gets a fever along with it, his heart starts beating rapidly.

Also, I believe Sam is one of the toughest kids I know. He can take shock after shock directly to his heart and stops crying about two seconds afterwards. He falls down and doesn't cry, unless he's overly tired. The kid is very tough.

Now that I've gotten that out, let me apologize to any of you for being short about it recently. I feel like a judgement on him is a judgement on our family and I really hate to hear things that aren't accurate concerning him. However, it is impossible for anybody to have the big picture anywhere near correct. I don't share everything that happens with anyone - if you were at the hospital and shared an experience with us, you MAY understand, but for the most part, no one is totally aware of what has happened besides us and his doctors.

So, I need to change my attitude of defensiveness. I'm sure that other families with these types of conditions have similar feelings and have worked through them. I know Sam is always going to be a "special needs" child and that his teachers will always need to be aware of his situation. I also realize that I will never be able to put him in the church nursery or another place that is a petri dish of germs. That is definitely different from other children. He will never be able to play contact sports, because the ICD might get hit and it could damage it. But, the infectious disease doctor said to allow him to participate in all normal activities where I can be with him. So, a children's museum is a perfect place for him.

The infectious disease doctor, his pediatricians, his nurses and his cardiologist ALL said NOT to put him in a bubble, real or figurative.

I hope that I can be a very conscientious mother, who will be aware of the situation, but allow Sam to experience new situations and have a good time with other children. But, I also know Sam is not like other children and I am going to have to get used to that fact. It makes me a little weepy even thinking about it. He acts totally normal and is developmentally right on schedule. But, he does have limitations.

So, in summary, please forgive me if I have offended you recently by jumping down your throat about Sam's health. I am unsure of how to process all of my feelings right now, but I feel fiercely defensive about him. But, I am praying through it and working through it with others.

By the way, when I heard my new friend say her child was "tough," I responded emotionally to it. She didn't mean a thing about Sam - it was just something I was already sensitive about and it stuck with me. I know many of you are probably reading that first paragraph and saying to yourselves, "geez, I will have to be careful with every little thing I say with Teesa." The truth is, it's my problem for being over-sensitive. I know it's a problem and I'm working on it.