Wrapping the Story Up

I have had a hard time finishing this story, because it is such an ongoing struggle in our lives. But, I wanted to give you a different perspective on what happened while all of the medical issues were going on.



So, here goes.


Bill, Sam and I came back to America on April 1, 2006. We had lived overseas for a total of seven years and Sam was born in Hong Kong on October 2, 2006. I had a very difficult pregnancy, due to an intra-uterine infection and we thought I might have to deliver him in East Asia (yet another story for another day!). God saw fit to keep Sam inside of me until it was just about his due date, after three months on bed rest.

We came back to the States to do public relations for our company for about nine months. The plan was to go back to East Asia in January 2007. We left everything set up for our return - our apartment and items were all waiting for us. Sam was only six months old when we came home and had never been sick a day in his life. Everything was progressing towards us returning overseas until his medical issues struck.

When Sam had his ICD implanted, we spoke at length with his cardiologist and the Medtronics representative about returning to East Asia. The Medtronics rep in Chapel Hill spoke with the Medtronics rep in East Asia as well, and he learned that there are many Medtronics reps throughout East Asiawho would be equipped to handle Sam's ICD. However, the biggest problem would be in finding a pediatric cardiologist who specialized in rhythm. At the time of Sam's surgery, we knew we wouldn't be able to return to Kunming, but that we would have to live in a larger city. We never felt the Lord close the door on us returning, but we saw it getting narrower. We delayed our return to East Asia until March 2007, so Sam could heal and we could monitor him for a time.

We were okay with this decision, if not a little concerned about Sam's future overseas. I remember having long conversations with Bill about returning overseas and wondering if it would really happen. One night, while laying in bed, I told Bill that I thought Sam's defibrillator was going to fire before we returned. Dr. Buck had told us it was likely it would never fire, but instead be a "safety net" in case something happened down-the-road.

I really struggled with returning too. My heart wanted to be there, but Sam's situation made me unsettled. Bill was still the head of our home and he was still carefully moving forward, so I stood beside him in the decision. We were both wondering how the logistics of taking Sam overseas would be.

Then one night, within a week of our conversation, Sam got a fever. It was a high one, and when we went in to wake him up for his medication, it raised to about 103F. We gave him his Motrin dose and I took him to my bedroom to feed him. That's when he started retching. I ran to the bathroom so it would be easier to clean up and, there by the dim light of a nightlight, I saw his entire body jolt from his heart outwards. I screamed to Bill that his defib had fired and we needed to call 911. Sam was screaming bloody murder by then.

That was the first time it had shocked him since we returned home from it being implanted. We were hospitalized for about a week, until they could get his fever down. I believe it may have shocked him again in the hospital, but my memory is fuzzy. You can check out in our blog archives somewhere in the late November to December months.

Dr. Buck was still encouraging us to move forward with going back overseas. He was tentative, but felt confident that this was an isolated event and we would be okay. Then Sam fell ill again and had another high fever. This time, his defib shocked him multiple times. We had to call 911 again and spent another week in the hospital.

We were still moving forward with our intent to return to East Asia, mostly because we didn't have any road-blocks in our way, but also because we didn't really feel that God really wanted us to stay in the States yet. I wonder on this side of it if it was because He wanted us to come to a point where we would totally trust Him with our son's life. I can remember begging Him not to take Sam and really understanding more about His sacrifice of His only Son. Those were hard nights of weeping and begging and understanding and reading His Word and weeping some more. Bill and I were without words on many of those nights, but we both understood each other's feelings.

We pressed on.

Then, I was cooking lunch for our neighbors in the kitchen and Sam had just gotten up from a nap. He was walking towards the kitchen and Bill was behind him when he fell down on his bottom. He started crying and I, of course, jumped from my position at the sink and asked Bill frantically if everything was alright. Bill was calm and said he thought so, picked Sam up and placed him back on his feet. He started to take another step when he was visibly shocked by his defib. Bill told me to call 911 and I was hysterical again. I called 911 and Sam was shocked multiple times in our home - his fever having risen to over 102F. Obviously, by now we realized the pattern was that every time he has a fever over 102F, his heart goes into an arrhythmia and his defib must shock him out of it. Sometimes after his heart is "reset" by the jolt of electricity, his heart starts beating fast again (I'm talking over 300 beats per minute) and it must shock him again. We also learned that Sam fell on his bottom because his heart was going into an arrhythmia, but it healed itself. He must have gotten light-headed when it started beating so quickly. The ICD was charging, but aborted before it shocked him.

Our friend David was one of the firemen on call that day. I didn't even recognize him in my haze of fear for my son. But, I had learned by that point not to be hysterical when they arrived, or they would remove me from the situation and I didn't want that. So, I was going through the motions as best I could.

We had to tell the EMTs the situation over and over because it is so unusual for a child of one year to have a defibrillator. During that ride to the hospital, I recall the EMT calling the hospital to tell them we were coming. I heard the woman respond and say, "Sorry? Did you say you have a one year-old with a defibrillator? That's not right, is it?" It was at that point that I had flash-forwards of hearing the conversation in Chinese and it not making sense to anybody. We were all speaking English that day, but people didn't understand. I couldn't imagine doing it in Chinese and it being any better.

When Dr. Buck arrived at the hospital, one of the first things we talked about, after Sam was stabilized, was returning overseas. His face looked grave as he told us he didn't believe we should return with Sam for at least another year. It was obvious that Sam was prone to fevers when he got sick, even without symptoms, and we couldn't risk it.

We were crushed, but I think we both knew this was going to happen. Our lives, ever since we'd been married, were overseas. Our work was overseas. Our friends were overseas. Our home was overseas. You name it...

We immediately started talking about what kind of job we would need to get. What were we qualified for? Where would we live? How would we be able to afford a whole new home - new furnishings, clothes, blankets, kitchen supplies, everything? We hadn't even brought enough clothes back to the States with us. The logistics overwhelmed us. My overseas friend's faces were brought back to my mind over and over. What were going to do?

We had to take it one day at a time and first announce our leave of absence from our company. Then, put the word out that we needed a job. Our friends in America were so helpful to us. We prayed about where to go and what to do. The biggest priority, of course, was keeping Sam close to a good medical facility. Even in America that's an issue.

Eventually, after a few months of consideration and prayer, Bill took his job with Samaritan's Purse. One of our best friends, who we met overseas, wanted Bill to come work with him and it was the perfect position. Bill is now the Regional Manager for South and East Asia at Operation Christmas Child.

Getting to that point was a hard road. Taking out all of the medical issues and just dealing with making a life-changing decision that would affect our lives in such a huge way was enormous and an impossible load to carry on our own. Bill and I were so stressed out with the situation, there were days that we could barely talk to each other. God has completely healed our hearts now and we are more united than we ever were before we walked this difficult road together. Bill is an amazing man, and I don't envy the load he had to bear in making such large decisions for our family. I believe God has worked so mightily in his life and I have seen him grow into someone I hope my son can emulate: a real child of God.

So, here we are. Still in North Carolina, one of the most beautiful places on earth. A little remote as far as medical facilities are concerned, but close enough. God has given us a wonderful pediatrician here, but there are no pediatric cardiologists, let alone one who specializes in rhythm. We still see Dr. Buck, but Sam and I drive to Greensboro for those meetings now.

We were hospitalized about two weeks after moving here in early April, and ended up down in Charlotte, but God redeemed us from that illness as well.

I fear this winter will be hard for our family. We understand from many doctors that children will have high fevers until they are about three years-old. Sam is approaching his second birthday and we are anticipating many more illnesses this winter. I have to balance my fear of him getting sick with my knowledge that he must interact with other children to be emotionally healthy. It's a struggle sometimes, but I think I'm doing alright.

I want you to walk away from reading this understanding that Sam is extremely important to us. Our choice to go back overseas was soley due to our prayerful discoveries with the Lord and wise counsel from doctors.

As I have said before, God was in control of this situation.

Our "stuff" in East Asia, our friends, our lives that were there will wait. We have tried to be obedient in our Walk and do what is best for our whole family. It is better to live in obedience than disobedience, Bill always says. Boy is he right.

God is good.

Next drama: the adoption of our little girl. When will she get here??? I guess we'll learn more about that story as it unfolds right before our eyes.

And as for our "belongings?" Well, my parents moved overseas for a few years and have graciously allowed us to borrow everything of theirs. My sister-in-law gave me some of her winter clothes and we have been able to collect the rest from precious folks who love us. Bill is heading back to East Asia soon and will pick up a few things like our photos and other items, so we won't have to buy everything anew. So you see, it worked out perfectly. We didn't need to spend our time worrying about logistics after all.