I Take It Back

Musings over my pregnancies...bear with me while I share my experience.

Ever since I was pregnant with and gave birth to Sam, plus endured the following very difficult weeks, I have said I never understood why people get pregnant more than once instead of adopting. I'm sure I seem really harsh about it, because, obviously the joy of raising our very own biological child is extremely rewarding and I would never trade Sam for any amount of difficulties I had in conceiving him, bearing him or delivering him, but I really and honestly felt like I could adopt 100 more children before carrying another one myself.

Conceiving Sam took four and a half years. While carrying him, I was on bedrest for three months in three different countries. I spent weeks below the morgue in a public hospital in Hong Kong staring at a clock while doctor after doctor told me I was going to deliver him early and that there would be a very slim chance of his survival.

Delivery took 22.5 hours with just over three hours of actual pushing. I vomited for two plus hours afterwards. He wouldn't nurse the entire time he was in the hospital. I had an intrauterine infection that caused all the pre-term labor to begin with and caused me to have 103F fever for five weeks following his birth. Once I was on antibiotics (after they discovered what was causing it) I finally felt like myself again.

He was a wonderful baby (besides having to finger train him in how to nurse, which took days on end and countless hours of pumping). He was easy-going, lovely to be with, lovely to look at, a wonderful snuggler and quite aware from his first day outside of my womb (which, ended up being six days early).

He was my first. He is brilliant. I love him to death and wouldn't trade any of it - not one ambulance ride, not one moment of panic through countless contractions - NONE of it. I love him so much.

But trying to get pregnant for so long, carrying him, delivering him, and suffering through a strange infection afterwards really burned me for future pregnancies.

You can imagine my fear when I discovered I was pregnant with Hudson. I was fearful from the get-go about what kind of pregnancy I would have, what kind of delivery I would "suffer" and how the first weeks would go.

I worked throughout my whole pregnancy, despite 16 weeks of morning sickness (which ended at Disney World!). I raised my two children, a two year-old and a three year-old (now three and four) throughout the entire pregnancy. My husband traveled A LOT throughout the entire pregnancy.

Somehow I felt great. I had energy, I ate well, I was able to care for my kids AND start homeschooling them. We went to Tweetsie Railroad, the park, the local children's museum - we continued our lives as though I wasn't 43 pounds heavier. My back didn't hurt very badly, my hips didn't hurt. Despite the comments every pregnant woman endures ("you'll never make it to 40 weeks." "you're huge!" "Are you sure it's not twins?") I was none the worse for the wear.

And, delivery was amazing!

So, now you know, Hudson has entered our world. He came in just under four hours. He came in a mere 10 pushes and about six minutes. He nursed very quickly after being born for 45 straight minutes.

Wow. I didn't know it could be this way. I take back what I said. I DO understand why women get pregnant more than once. It's not so bad after the nine months are up. Sure, the hormone rushes make me cry for no reason and I'm quite sore, but other than that - WOW.

I'm so grateful to God that I got to experience this - the entire experience actually. Getting pregnant easily (without trying, actually), a healthy pregnancy, a wonderful delivery (amazing doctor too), and a very simple little boy who loves to nurse, be held and sleep.

Plus the joys of adoption! My cup is full. God has really blessed us.

Without further ado...here is our newest addition. Hudson.

Keeping Organized with Kids

I keep seeing these posts on my friend's Facebook pages about how if your house is messy than it's a sign that you're spending time with your kids, or if your house is clean it's a sign that you are neglecting your children.

For some reason this post has really stuck with me - I keep mulling it over in my mind and wondering if there really is any truth to it or if it's just a post to write and give an excuse to an already messy house.

The jury is still out on that one, but as for my house - it's generally organized all the time. Does this mean that I am neglecting my children? Absolutely not. Does it mean I'm obsessive compulsive? I don't think so.

What it DOES mean, for me and my life, is that I require order to be a productive happy member of society. It started as early as my pre-teen years, when I wouldn't be able to really study for a test unless my room was organized first. It just distracted me too much. Things around me don't need to be clean, per se, but "organization" is the key.

Other mothers often ask me how I do it, so I will share my "secret."

When it's time to play, it's time to play. It can be messy and downright disgusting in our home during play time. But, once it's time to move on to another activity, I require that everything is picked up first from the previous activity. Where does everything go? I'm glad you asked.

I have baskets all over my home for different types of toys. There's a plastic train track basket, a wooden train track basket, a car basket, a miscellaneous girl toy basket (does it ever seem like girl toys just can't be sorted according to the type of toy?), a homeschooling basket, a stuffed animal bucket, and many more. I find that all of these baskets truly help to keep things looking a bit more organized (or to the untrained eye, "clean") and the children know where every toy belongs. Once I say, "put your trains away," there's no question as to where they go and they are usually put there very quickly.

So, the secret to MY organized home is baskets. What's the secret to yours?

Cleanliness is a different matter altogether!

The Children

In our very small world, we have a lot of great stuff going on. The children, both Sam and Carolina, started a preschool version of homeschooling in late August. That has kept us pretty busy most mornings, depending on their interest and involvement.

Carolina has phased out of her Early Intervention therapies and I am trying to continue an environment where she can grow and learn and eventually catch up to children her age. In some ways she is already caught up, in other ways she has a ways to grow.

She is learning her colors, letters and numbers during her schooling time. She is also learning fine motor skills by working with puzzles and Play Doh, as well as enjoying dance and music time with her brother.

Sam is a ravenous learner. I often can't keep up with the numerous questions he has for me, or his desire for reading. He is reading at a 2nd or 3rd grade level right now and doing fairly well at math. He has learned to write his letters and numbers as well, so I am trying to refine that skill in him.

Being nine months pregnant, it is often a challenge to find the energy to school them every day and STILL have the energy I need to feed us all and complete the end of our days...but somehow it always works out.

Speaking of the pregnancy, it is going very well. I really couldn't have asked for a better pregnancy than this one. Baby Hudson seems to be active and doing well.

As for his health, we do not know yet if he has Brugada Syndrome. There is a 50% chance that he does have it, but that also means there's a 50% chance that he doesn't have it. Once he is born, he will have a 12-lead ECG to check, but it may not show anything even if he does have it. If it is negative, we will have another one done at one month of age, then three months, then six months and the first time he is sick. Sickness often exacerbates the condition and it may show better on an ECG.

If none of that makes sense, don't worry. We are taking every precaution possible in knowing whether or not he has this life threatening heart condition that his older brother has. We are also continuing to pray for his good health. The doctors are working closely with us through this process as well, so I know Hudson will be monitored and watched.

In the meantime, we are all awaiting the arrival of Hudson James.

Parmesan Chicken Bake!

During the last week we have had a lot of rainy days in Boone. Despite the fact that they've not been very cool, the rain and the changing colors of the leaves have really gotten our household into the Fall spirit. Combine that with Fall Festivals, Fall desserts that I can't stop myself from making (even though I'm nine months pregnant!) and the darkness that prevails until 7 in the morning, and I'm all geared up to make my best comfort foods.

One of my favorites is this Parmesan chicken bake my brother taught me how to make. I made up a little recipe card for it, so it is easier to print up. It takes such little preparation, fills the house with a delicious roasted chicken smell and fills our bellies to the full - so it is completely worth the effort.

If you want tender chicken, which is exactly what I desire in all my chicken breasts, try a brine. Dissolve two tablespoons of Kosher salt, one tablespoon of sugar in four cups of water and then put the breasts in to soak for a minimum of four hours. This works great to thaw frozen breasts as well. Rinse and pat dry before using them in any recipe, but I think you'll be surprised at how tender the chicken turns out by using a brine.

Enjoy!

Hudson Taylor

Have you ever heard of a man named Hudson Taylor? We have. He was an amazing man. Really and truly an innovator in the missionary world of the 1800's.

Bill and I have been wondering what to name our son (who will be making an appearance some time around the first of November). It wasn't until about a month ago that I was hospitalized for having regular contractions one Saturday evening that we finally came down on a name.

This child is going to be our first born-in-America child. He will have no connection to China or Asia. He won't have olive-colored skin or a birth certificate issued by Hong Kong S.A.R.. We feel that it is only fair to connect him to China, whether he likes it or not, by giving him a name that is inspired by one of the most upright men who ever served in China. Hudson Taylor.

Besides that, Bill's best friend has the last name of Hudson - they've been best friends since they were five years-old.

On top of that, I grew up in the Hudson Valley. Yes, I am a New Yorker by birth. I lived there until I had three months left to graduate high school. Poughkeepsie, New York, to be exact. I remember beautiful Fall weather, the Vanderbilt Mansion on the Hudson River, gorgeous Winters (a lot of shoveling though) and four distinct seasons.

So, for this little boy, after lots of thought and time, we've decided on the name of Hudson. Hudson James - James was my grandfather's middle name and there are five generations before him also named James. Plus it's my favorite book in the Bible.

Please join me in praying for Hudson James - we greatly desire for his heart to be perfect when he is born and throughout his life.

Teesa's Homemade Graham Crackers

I just published this on another blog, but I thought it might be fun to publish it here too. It's been a while since I've highlighted one of our delicious recipes!

If you're anything like me, you want to avoid baking at all costs over the summer months. We don't have air conditioning and just turning on the oven to preheat increases the temperature of the house by 10 degrees.

But, sometimes I just can't resist. Especially when my kids have a hankering for something and I can't see anything on the store-bought brand ingredients that even remotely resembles something edible.

Here's one of my kids' favorites. We make them with all different shaped cookie cutters too, but the squares are the easiest.

4 T (1/2 stick) butter, softened
1 egg
6 T sugar
2 T honey
2 T molasses

1/2 t baking soda
2 t water

3/4 t salt
1 1/2 C graham flour (I used whole wheat)
3/4 C all-purpose flour

Preheat the oven to 350 F.

Combine the butter, egg and sugar in a bowl and beat until smooth and creamy.
Stir in the honey and molasses and blend.
Dissolve the baking soda in the water and add to the butter mixture.
Add the salt, graham flour, and all-purpose flour to the mixture and blend thoroughly. The dough should hold together and be manageable. If it is too "tacky" add a little more graham flour.

Liberally dust two cookie sheets with flour.

Split the dough in half or do 1/3 and 2/3 and roll out on each cookie sheet - I used my fingers to press it down. It should be about 1/8 inch thick - remember, the soda will make it rise a little.

If you want them to be as thick as I have in my picture, don't split the dough at all, but you will have a more chewy cracker.

Score the dough with a pizza cutter or knife, but not all the way through, into squares. Depending on the size you make you could have 20-40 per cookie sheet.

Prick each square a few times with the tines of a fork.
Bake for 15 minutes.
Remove from the oven. Gently lift out with a spatula and slide onto cooling racks. Once they are cooled, they'll be ready to eat - but Sam and I like ours warm.

Sam's Story

Another story was published today in one of our locally famous blogs.

Check it out!

I'm trying to be an advocate for Sam, and I think the community at large may even be getting tired of hearing his story, but how can I quit! I love this boy and as he grows I am seeing how many obstacles he is going to face as he gets older. Arrhythmia or not, Sam is NOT going to live in a bubble and he IS going to have many of the same opportunities as children without special needs. I am happy to be his champion.

Life Lessons

We have been learning some very big life lessons recently and haven't had time to post. It's so unfortunate because I know I could gleam a lot from the comments that people always leave for me.

I am still going to continue this blog, but I suppose life is just getting too fast and furious to really take the time to write like I used to, even though I greatly enjoy writing.

In short, our most recent battles are ones dealing with finding a new/used car (for really really really cheap and we WISH for a really reliable one, but I know that's asking too much), lots and lots of medical bills, decisions on homeschooling or not for Sam (due to his recent rejection from a public school in our area because he is too much of a liability with his condition) and lots of work-related projects.

We're enjoying the Summer but it certainly seems to be flying by too fast!

Bill and I are coming up on our 11th anniversary and so much has happened in the last year we can't even list it all on all our combined fingers and toes!

But God is good and we are blessed with wonderful friends, family and a great support group here.

I'll continue to update as I have time. Thanks for reading!

Keeping In Touch

Check this out - just a few ways to keep in touch with family long-distance.

One Year Ago - Wow!

(Warning, lots of sappiness to follow! Read with caution.)

One year ago on June 8th

Day 2 with Carolina (June 9th)

The first week

First day home to meet her big brother

First day home, first experience with bubbles

First beautiful dress made by Mrs. Ussery, Carolina is full of confidence

First gingerbread house

First time meeting her great great aunts (who happen to adore her)

First time at the beach

First trip to Disney, last week

I can honestly say the last year of my life has been one of the my joy-filled and most difficult ever. In my 33rd year on this earth, we finally got our little girl, our two year-old son (at the time) had heart surgery for the second time in his young life, and we found out I am pregnant (I'll exclude the details of 16 weeks of nausea).

Adopting Carolina was definitely a God-ordained event. She fits into our family in ways I could never have imagined or even planned for myself had I been privy to do so. My son adores the ground she walks on, my husband melts when he is with her, her grandparents and extended family stand in awe of how beautiful and smart she is, our church has embraced her, our friends fallen in love, and I, myself, know the Lord closer because I have known my precious girl.

Carolina,

You are one of the best things that has ever happened to our family. Five and a half years ago we prayed for you and we prayed for your biological mother. We prayed that God would bless her with the decision to keep you alive in her belly, we prayed for her to love you enough to give you up and we prayed for your salvation (as we still do). There were so many people who were instrumental in bringing you into our lives, including your advocate and ours, Nancy, all of the government officials, and the doctors who found you at the back door of their clinic.

You were loved by your biological mother, who wrapped you carefully in a blanket, and dressed you warmly with a hat and a onsie. She placed you in a well-traveled area where she knew you would be found quickly. I have only gratefulness in my heart for how well she cared for you on the day that you were born, the same day she anonymously gave you up.

You are loved, through thick and thin (lots of thick this year, I know, but we're working on that). I love how you laugh at your daddy when he kisses your belly, or how you can teach Sam your dance moves and Wolfpack hand signals...I love that you ask for me when you are frightened of the thunder or notice that I'm not around for more than five minutes.

You are my baby, my daughter, my answer to prayer. You are my first child, though you are the youngest, as I have always known you would be in our lives even before I ever knew I could give birth to children myself.

I love you, Carolina. Thank you for putting up with me. May God bless the next year of our life more abundantly than ever before, with you, your brother and your newest sibling. May you find Jesus Christ as your Savior early in your life. I pray that I can be the best mother possible, even on the worst days, and, of course, as always, I pray that you will sleep through the night for the rest of your life. That goes without saying. :)

Your Mommy

"Once there were two women who never knew each other. One you do not know, the other you call Mother. Two different lives shaped to make you one..." Motherbridge of Love

High Country Press

Sam's story was published in our local newspaper, High Country Press. Check it out here!

Sam's Wish

We just got back from Sam's Make A Wish trip to Florida late on Monday evening. It was an amazing trip that I cannot even begin to sum up in one post. So, for now, I'll let you sift through the pictures and enjoy the story they tell on their own.

Sam's wish: To take a train to see Peter Pan.

What actually happened: We took a limo to the Charlotte train station, a train (business class) to Raleigh, then an overnight train (with two roomettes) to Kissimmee, Florida (where we saw Peter Pan at Disney World).

The start of the trip.

I will tell the story of how Peter Pan came out to meet Sam though.

We went on the Peter Pan ride (no waiting, of course, because Sam was with Make A Wish) and they let him go around twice! We didn't even have to get off between rides. Afterwards, I asked an employee if Peter Pan was going to come out for a meet and greet at any time that day, and I shared with her that Peter Pan was truly my son's wish. She left for about ten minutes and when she came back she said Peter Pan was going to come out to meet Sam.

She escorted us to a special area where people immediately started lining up behind us to meet Peter Pan (and Wendy). They came out and were both amazed that his wish was to see Peter Pan...they fawned all over him, asked him about his trip on the train, loved on him, took lots of pictures and then when Sam was all done, they left! Apparently they had come out solely to see Sam!

I cried, as any pregnant mother would, and Sam kept talking about how wonderful it was to meet them both, but especially Peter Pan. It was so special.

Mickey and Minnie came out to the Give Kids the World Village just to see the

Wish children staying there.

Sea World provided us with enough fish to feed the dolphins until they were full (practically).

The Village had an ice cream parlor that was open from 7:30 in the morning until 9:30 at night. Needless to say, we spent a lot of time there.

This was Sam's first choice of ice cream: orange sherbet.

Our villa was amazing - Sam's room had a huge bathroom with a whirlpool tub and

train pictures bordering his ceiling.

Mayor Clayton, the mayor of the Village, came to tuck in the kids one night. As he was leaving, Sam looked up from his tiny bed and said, "he was SO BIG!" At over six feet tall, Sam wasn't exaggerating!

Four Years Ago Today

I cannot believe this was only 4 years ago today - it feels like 50 years ago! I was five weeks ahead of where I am now with this pregnancy...so 20 weeks pregnant. Wow. We lived in China in a five-story walk-up, ate primarily Chinese food and had a house helper!!! She did all my laundry and cooking, so I could enjoy being pregnant and working.

What a different season of life I'm in right now...

Cardiology Update

We had the opportunity to see Sam's cardiologist a week ago, and I have been slowly digesting what we learned.

This is a very frank email I wrote to our family and close friends (edited for publishing here), so please excuse any negativity I might have been expressing. You should know, if you don't already, I wear my heart on my sleeve and it often comes out in my writing as well. But, I do know that the Maker of Heaven and Earth has His hand in all things and that He is in control. I rely on Him completely.

Unfortunately, we didn't get great news, but it is really promising news. The integrity of Sam's device (the defibrillator) is absolutely perfect - it has paced his heart 2.5% of the time (which is down from 8-10%), but it has also recorded three events.

On January 31st at 6:45pm Sam had three non-sustainable heart arrhythmias, averaging 273 beats per minute. We know he was sick that night, as we took him to see his pedi the next morning, but we honestly cannot remember him complaining of a heart issue. We have some vague recollection, but nothing solid.

I find the news quite discouraging, but Bill and his cardiologist were both very encouraged. I was really hoping Sam's heart had been healed, but as it turns out, it has not. However, that being said, God has really strengthened his heart - a lot! He came out of the events on his own after 1 second, 2 seconds and 2 seconds. He had about 9 beats of the arrhythmia each time and then he was okay. AND, he didn't have another after those. We know he had a high fever that night, so we are assuming that is what caused these arrhythmias.

The device managed the events perfectly and did not shock him unnecessarily. Also, a real praise. BUT, all of this means we are not quite out of the woods yet and we still need to take extra precautions when Sam has a high fever or an electrolyte imbalance.

On to our unborn baby boy (that's what the latest ultrasound says right now):

We will be having a Level II ultrasound on June 8th. All this will do is tell us whether or not he has a structural issue with his heart. Sam's cardiologist confirmed that this will NOT be able to tell us whether or not he has Brugada Syndrome. However, we will go ahead with the Level II just to put everyone's mind at ease, as my high risk OB and my regular OB are being cautious and both pushing for this. The chance of this little guy having a structural issue is 8 in 1000 - the same as any other average person.

Sam's cardiologist has suggested we do a 12-lead ECG AS SOON AS THE BABY IS BORN. If there are any abnormalities, we will need to see him in Chapel Hill ASAP (as in, within the first week). The local pediatrician has confirmed that he is able to complete this here in Boone. So, we will give birth in Boone, unless something changes between now and then.

That's the plan for now. Keep us in your prayers - especially Sam and the baby. We want to protect him as much as possible, but also allow him to live a "normal" life. It is a difficult balance, but one that his cardiologist has assured us we can do.

Praise God for the breath of life He has given to our amazing child, as well as the new life He has given to our baby boy.

Make A Wish!!!

Sam, as many of you know, has a life threatening illness called Brugada Syndrome. We thought that after such a hard year last year (with the surgery AND bringing home a new sister to steal his toys), it would be a great idea to apply to the Make A Wish Foundation and see if he could get his wish.

The lovely folks from MAW came over to the house and asked him his wish.

"I wish to take a train to see Peter Pan."

It was very simple, but extremely detailed. In fact, they said it was the most detailed wish they had ever received. They weren't sure they could accommodate it, because wishes need to be only ONE thing.

Also, they had never had a child with a heart arrhythmia before (usually it is plumbing issues, not electrical). They had to get his doctor's recommendation to make sure he qualified, but Sam's amazing doctor called me after they contacted him and said he thought it was the best idea I'd had yet.

And, after much deliberation, they decided to GRANT his wish!!

We are taking a limo to Charlotte and then a train ride to Raleigh, where we will then get another another train (have our own beds!) and spend the night on our way down to Orlando. There we get to stay at the Give The Kids The World Village and park hop all week!

We are so excited about this wish and this trip! Hopefully I will begin feeling better soon (12 weeks tomorrow and I just had my worst day yet!!) and the trip will be all worth it.

Bill is a bit concerned that Sam will be too young to remember this trip, but I am convinced that this is going to be one of the highlights of his childhood. Every time he is older and thinks back to his fondest memories, he'll remember this trip and NEVER be able to attain the amount of fun and great times that he had (is about to have).

I can't wait!!!

Update

I am officially ten weeks pregnant today and feeling every bit of it. It is taking me a lot of energy to do anything and everything these days, but it's a good thing I have so many friends to support me.

So far so good with the pregnancy, now that I've finally started taking medication for my morning sickness. Sam and Carolina are well too, and we're finally enjoying some good weather too.

I hosted a big Easter Scavenger Hunt at our church on Saturday. It was so much fun - and the very first one I've ever been a part of. HA! Carolina and Sam really enjoyed themselves.

Hopefully I'll have more pics soon. If I can just get myself off the couch!

Coming in November...

Pray with us for our new addition! This child, completely unexpected, has a 50% chance of having Brugada Syndrome. We won't be able to tell in-utero, but we will be able to learn (hopefully) quickly after giving birth.

Our miracle tree frog - with arms and legs and a head that are actually visible!

Amazing.

Soy

Ever since being diagnosed with all these food allergies, I have done a lot of research regarding each of the products.

I have been completely shocked by what I have discovered. I'm sure I'm just now getting on board with something that each of you already knows, but I'd still like to share what I have learned.

I'll start with my biggest allergy: milk. Apparently my allergies are IgG allergies, which means I have built up some antibodies to each of the products I'm allergic to. But, it's different from an IgE allergy, which causes a person to go into anaphylactic shock in the end. This particular allergy, an IgG allergy, causes problems like, fatigue, dark circles, nausea or other similar problems.

When I began looking at milk substitutes, I learned that soy milk should not be an option for any of us. My neighbor was the first to tell me that unfermented soy milk has many side effects and issues related to it, and when I did some research, I learned she is exactly right.

We are constantly bombarded with marketing that boosts the healthiness of soy milk - it has extra protein, soy is supposed to be good for brain development, it is low fat and has tons more fiber than cow's milk. People also cite the fact that Asians have been using soy milk and soy products for many years and look how healthy they are!

Well, the truth of the matter is, in China they use FERMENTED soy products. Even soy milk, called dou jiang, is made from the juice of tofu. Tofu is already fermented and the liquid around it is packed full of protein and healthy goodness. In the US, when they make soy milk, it is made by crushing the beans and grinding them into a pulp.

"Beans are cleaned and soaked overnight, and then pureed. The solids (called okara) are strained out, and the resulting liquid is boiled for about 10 minutes. A little simplified, but that's the basic idea." [source]

There is no fermenting in this process. Why do we need soy products to be fermented? Check these sources to get more details, but essentially, there are enzyme inhibitors in unfermented soy products that prevent our bodies from breaking down food and nutrients properly.

http://preventdisease.com/news/09/073009_soy_lecithin.shtml

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/soy-milk-dangers.html

http://www.quantumbalancing.com/news/soy%20dangers.htm

Those are just a couple of sites I have found in my detailed research. The amount of marketing available for pro-soy products has amazed me, but as I have read, it is very intentional.

Going back to the aforementioned milk allergy, I am supposed to ingest small amounts of milk every day in order to build up my tolerance for it, but I am not supposed to ingest large amounts. I have noticed my nose runs more when I ingest lots of milk products and the (ever present) circles under my eyes DO get darker.

But, my alternative to milk will not be soy milk. It is almond milk, preferably homemade because manufactured almond milk has (less than 1%) soy lecithin in it (a product in almost every processed food in America). If you'd like to make your own homemade almond milk, check this link out that my brother sent me. It's delicious and you can make it for about $1/quart.

I think that about scratches the surface.

The Three of Us

This is an older photo, but I wanted to post it anyway. My kiddos are so cute!

Lainey

Pray for one of my best friend's one year-old who is having an MRI tomorrow morning. Here is the info about it. I just know she's going to do great, but I also know it's scary to have any medical procedure done on your child.