Thoughts on Adoption

I honestly didn't think adopting a toddler would feel like having a newborn again. I suppose I was being a little bit unrealistic in my thinking. But, it's been almost two months that we've had Carolina home and I am finally getting my feet back on the ground.

I know everyone has been curious about how she is adjusting and I don't really have an answer to that question just yet. Just like with a newborn, every day changes, every minute has its own challenges. But, just like a newborn, we are filled with great love and appreciation for the very real and tangible blessing God has given us. Oh, and no sleep. Always with the sleep.

I have thought about how to describe adopting a child. The first week that we had her in China, I was filled with an overwhelming feeling of awe that the Lord would choose us for adoption. I hope I can explain this as well as it was explained to me by Him that first week and the following weeks.

When we were blessed after four and a half years of infertility with Sam, I was amazed that God would choose to make me a biological mother of my child. Then, when we almost lost Sam at 10 months-old, I begged God to not allow me to know the pain of losing my son, the way He sacrificed His only Son for us. I eventually (after a week of prayer) came to the decision that if the Lord chose to take my son, I would still give Him praise for even allowing me to have my son in the first place. Not only that, but I came to a point of thankfulness that He would choose ME, of all people, to understand, however remotely, the sacrifice He made in His Son for us.

Now, here we are almost two years later and I am faced with another honor. This honor is of knowing how it feels to adopt a child, just as God has adopted us into His family. Grafted, really. And here I am, feeling small and insignificant, and yet praising God because He chose me to know another small piece of His own puzzle in a very real way. I have adopted a child. I love my child as if she were from my own body. I don't know how it's possible, but it is very real. And very tangible, as I said before.

I still don't think I am explaining this correctly, but His words explain it best:

"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will-- to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves." Ephesians 1:4-6

So, in answer to everyone's question: Has she fully adjusted to our family? The answer is: I don't know, but we ARE a family. A complete family. We freely love her and I believe she loves us as well. What a wonderful example of God's love, even though we're far from perfect.