Photos

Yesterday - Sam twirls his hair (like Mommy does) when he needs comfort

Taking a wagon ride to get an X-ray

On the way to get an X-ray

In the atrium playroom - working on standing up

He figured out he could walk and was very happy about it

Of course, we found the train tracks

You ought to take note of the pajamas Sam is wearing. Mrs. King, our neighbor and dear friend, made them for Sam. One pair of Thomas PJs and one pair of construction PJs. We had to verbally wrestle him to take off the Thomas ones today, which have been soaked through with sweat. He's very happy with the construction ones, but wants to keep them buttoned at all times. He was very resistant to going to the playroom, but once we got there and he figured out he could walk, it was all we could do to slow him down. He even walked up a big ramped area and slid down a slide, against my wishes. I had to get Bill to help me because Sam was refusing to obey me and just kept walking despite my saying no. He finally said, "just one slide down."

No doubt your prayers have helped him.

Just a few minutes ago - with a foul ball from the Durham Bulls game last night.

Miss Carolina appreciated the playroom too

(note the double chin)

A Good Night

Just got an email from Teesa which was encouraging...

I actually got a lot of sleep last night. Carolina was only up from 2-3am. Not too bad and I went to sleep at about 9:30 or so.

Bill said they had a great night, but very little sleep. What I mean by great is that he had no events, no VTAC, nothing like that. The doc said he wants to see if we can get Sam off the narcotic (Oxycodone). He has been going for longer stretches without it, but then he'll cough or something and it's back to demanding the meds (me demanding, anyway). The next time the med is due, we'll see about giving him Tylenol and if that doesn't cut it, we'll give him the narcotic too. They would prefer for him not to have narcotics to go home with, but it's likely he will anyway. They'll do another chest x-ray tomorrow to see about his lung. The doc said usually that only lasts for 24 hours, although Sam had his for 48...so we just don't know how that will go.

Bill said Sam finally agreed to wear a diaper, but is still telling him every time he has to pee and is going in a little portable urinal. Stubborn kid. Still hasn't pooped, but he's getting colace every couple of hours.

He was very happy after the doctors left this morning and told Bill that they didn't hurt him at all.

Carolina is a happier camper - she's gotten her eye med this morning, a big breakfast and lots of time with mom.

We're going to try and make it to the atrium playroom in just a few minutes. I need to convince this boy to get up and he just wants to lay there. Oh, they took his bandages off this morning. His side looks swollen and terrible, but the JP tube stitch looks good and the front incision is not swollen at all. Still sad though.

She also said Carolina is doing well, and is happy this morning after having a big breakfast and lots of Mommy-time.

Please keep praying for them as they move forward. Let's pray for a really great day.

Thursday Night Wrap-Up

Shannon here again, posting for Teesa.

I talked to Teesa a little over an hour ago, and received some of the tid-bits of the day. It's been a very tiring day for the Klears, but they are persevering. As you know, Sam received a shock last night from his device when he went into VTAC. They discovered today that his heart actually had a few episodes (around 4 if I remember correctly) where the device "paced" him out of it, rather than shocking him. This is good.

Sam also sat up today and took a few slow steps. It's very important that they get him moving, especially in light of the fact that today his lung was more collapsed than before, and also had some fluid.

They are going to give him a diuretic to try to help him urinate, but this sometimes puts electrolytes off-balance, so they're going to have to monitor that because out-of-whack electrolytes can send his heart into VTAC again.

At this point the doctors are still happy with the way things are going, and there is talk of releasing them as early as Saturday. But I know Teesa is in no hurry to leave, and they're all just taking this one day at a time.

In the midst of it all, there is little Carolina. And it sounds like she's being a trooper while most of the attention is on her big brother right now. She is still needing daily attention to her healing eye, but it sounds like she's doing well. Teesa is resting with her at the RMH tonight.

Please continue to keep them all in your prayers. We're praying for a good night and a really good day tomorrow. I know they are thankful beyond words for all your prayers.

8/20 Evening

What a tiring day. I honestly don't feel like getting into the details. Sam needs our prayers. Period.

8/20 11:15am

Thanks to Nina and Shannon for helping post to gather prayers for Sam.

We have seen the doctors today and there is still no known reason for Sam going into VTAC last night. There are several theories though. Any one of the following could cause an arrhythmia in a child:

• He just had surgery.
• He did have a fever, which has proven to give him problems in the past.
• He also had low magnesium, which means his electrolytes were imbalanced - this will always be a cause for concern as he can go into VTAC with an electrolyte imbalance.
• Another possible reason is that his heart was put under duress at the time of the surgery.
• He could have an infection.

The cardiologist was just in listening to Sam's heart and said he has now heard a "normal" murmur. He said it's nothing to worry about, but since his heart is outputting so much more, it's likely that it would come out now (even though we haven't heard anything about it before now).

His defibrillator was set to shock Sam if 24/32 beats were over 260 beats per minute. It was set to shock him a second time if 9/12 beats were that fast. Sam's heart only beat 10 times at over 260bpm last night before he was shocked.

So, we're in a quandary again as to why it shocked him so quickly. One theory is that his heart went into a very fast VTAC but came out of it on its own and then the second one the defibrillator thought it was time to check 9/12 beats. But, that seems unlikely to me.

A Medtronics rep will be in soon to interrogate the device and we will learn more then.

Keep praying for my boy. He's in a bad way.

They have stopped the epidural and started him on oral medication. If this works for pain management, they'll take the epidural and Foley (catheter) out this afternoon. Our hope is that he will be in the playroom playing during their 2-4pm hours. Who knows if he'll be able to tolerate moving or not, but we absolutely need him on his feet. He's been complaining about having to go to the potty, but can't go and is refusing a diaper.

As for us getting out of here? Who knows. I'm in no hurry, because there are no pediatric cardiologists in Boone and I don't want to put him in a bad situation.

6 am August 20

This is Nina Patton from Seymour, Tennessee writing for Teesa. Sam was moved to a step down unit in ICU yesterday because he was doing much better. At about 10:20 pm last night, 8/19, he went into vetac. He is such a brave little guy. Teesa and Sam have had quite a long night because they have been trying to determine what caused the vtac. They are suspecting that there may be infection and the blood work they took last night should give them the answers. They expect to take out the epidural today and take out the catheter, which should help a whole lot. Teesa and Sam got about three hours of sleep and the movie Cars stayed on all night. On the brighter side, Carolina got to come and see Sam yesterday. She and Bill went to the Ronald McDonald house last night and plan to come up around 8 am this morning. My husband, Doug, and myself spent the night in the room so Teesa and Sam would not be alone, which we were glad to do. Please continue to pray!

Please Pray

This is Shannon posting for Teesa.

I just received a phone call and she asked me to post this so everyone can pray.

Sam just received a shock from his device because he went into v-tac, but the cause for it is unknown. They were adjusting his position slightly in the bed just before he was shocked and Teesa noticed his heart monitor was at 284. His fever is very slight, so no one knows right now what would put his heart rate so high.

Obviously, this was very troubling for them. Please pray.

Wednesday Evening Update

Wow, today has been a very difficult day in a lot of ways. But, God has really blessed us in many ways as well. We were very surprised last night by some friends of ours who drove all the way from Sevierville, TN just to care for us. They brought us lunch and did Bill's two week's worth of laundry and have generally loved on us.

My Aunt Nancy also came in from Georgia to care for us today and love on us (plus meet her new great niece). We were already tiring of the cafeteria food and my brother's friends whom we have never met made us dinner.


As for Sam, he has suffered a great deal of pain today, just as they said he would. He slept for a good portion of the day, but when he was awake it was very painful.

However, his ICD (defibrillator) has been turned back on because there was no evidence of double-counting, as he had last time. He was moved down to the CICC (pronounced kick) unit about halfway through the day as well. When he awoke after being moved, he was in severe pain. His legs were kicking and jolting out like he was having a convulsion, but it was just from the pain. The surgeon happened to be here at that very moment and a lot of activity occured at one time. In the end, the "pain management team" decided to add a pain medication to his regimen as well as upping his epidural slightly.

Taken about two seconds after the one above

Right now he's watching a brand new "Bob the Builder" DVD (thanks, Ann!), wearing his brand new homemade Thomas PJs (thanks Jean!) and humming along with the theme song. His pain level varies, but it seems they have finally made him comfortable. Hopefully he'll go to sleep eventually (he HAS been asleep for almost two days, so I imagine he's a bit off-schedule) and will be comfortable.

His lung seems to have improved a bit overnight, but when they turn off the epidural in the morning, he'll have his work cut out for him.

Wednesday Morning

Sam had a decent night. He has started to wake up more frequently since about 6am this morning, but was still falling asleep within about a minute.

However, he's been awake for about 20 minutes now and has requested a little TV. Of course, nothing suits what he wants to watch, but there's no DVD player in here so he can't watch his ol' standbys.

A very small part of his lung is collapsed, so it seems that he got a lot of big breaths in overnight. He also had a couple sips of water (laced with orange juice) this morning. Once he drinks more, they'll get him on some food and then when he has eaten some they'll likely move him to the CICU (cardiac intensive care unit). He also asked to sit up this morning, so (without moving him), we adjusted his bed to a sitting-up position. He's in a tiny little ball now and still hasn't wanted to move. He will need to get moving today in order to help his lung - so they may have to turn down some portion of his epidural in order to meet that goal.

I haven't heard anything from Bill and Carolina. I assume they'll be here mid-morning.

Final Evening Post

I am now at Sam's bedside with Bill's laptop. Bill has gone back to the RMH with Carolina and will attempt a night with her on his own. I'm not really sure how he and his jet-lagged body will get her there and do everything they need to do, but I'm sure it'll get done.

Pray for a smooth evening with her. I can only imagine what he's about to experience.

Here's what I know that I didn't share with you earlier. I'd written previously that Sam's number on his old lead was at a dangerous 2.3 and as low as 1.8, but when we last interrogated the device two weeks ago, it was a 4. Dr. Buck felt that it needed to be a 5 in order not to do surgery, so he wanted to go ahead with it anyway.

It took his surgeon many tries today of sewing the new lead on and getting low numbers before he finally found a sweet spot. He said the key was in getting two leads a little farther apart from each other than normal. He landed on a spot that was in the low 20's when they sewed Sam up. That's what it's supposed to be! Praise God.

His surgeon said we know a few new things about his heart. First, it's strong, very strong - and definitely stronger than two years ago. They tried to put his heart into VTAC to test the device three times. The first time it wouldn't even get into VTAC. The second time it was very short and the third time it was also very short - his heart came out of VTAC on its own. That's great news. They didn't want to push the issue, so they decided not to check if it works, because we already know it does work and that the shocking lead is perfectly fine (they replaced the R-wave lead today).

The second thing we learned today is that his heart is still very messed up. All the electricity flowing through it is very unpredictable. Finding the "sweet spot" was much more difficult than it would be on any other person.

The surgery took about four and a half hours.

He is going to be in the PICU until they take out his epidural. They may leave that in another day (so 2 days total). If his STATS start dropping (like the oxygen level) they may back off the epidural some overnight, especially since he's still so sedated.

The collapsed lung may prove to be a problem tomorrow. If they can't get it to re-inflate (through crying or blowing bubbles), they will have to beat his chest. Remember though, his chest has a very long incision in it that isn't being covered by pain meds. So, that could prove to be very painful.

He is in a considerable amount of pain whenever he moves right now. We've had to move him up on his bed a little bit to help with his position and it was extremely uncomfortable for him.

Please pray for his pain management overnight.

Pray for rest for our family.

Collapsed Lung

Sam has a partially collapsed lung, which is what is causing his labored breathing. All this really means is that he is going to have to work extra hard tomorrow at blowing bubbles and taking deep breaths to try and recover his full lung.

He woke up a few minutes ago when I was with him. He immediately said he needed a hug and didn't want to let go for a long while. Then he said he wanted to listen to some Thomas music. Fortunately, there's a CD player in his room and he's happily resting listening to it now. Bill is with him.

He also said that his belly hurt very badly. He was actually awake and communicating (although very groggy) for about 10 minutes before falling back to sleep. We've had a few visitors today and my SIL is bringing Chick-Fil-A for dinner. Thanks to Jenny, we had lunch provided too.

Keep praying for him, please.

Saw Him

I got a chance to be with Sam in the PICU. It was very sad, especially with all the tubes. He woke up and cried and seemed to be in a bit of pain with his belly incision.

His breathing is a bit labored too, but they will be doing a chest x-ray soon and that will tell if he has a collapsed lung or any congestion. However, it is normal to have labored breathing with some of the stress he's been under.

God is in control yesterday, today and tomorrow. He will carry us through this.

Thank you for praying. I will keep updating as I can. I'm about to go back in with him and then we'll eat lunch. Since he is mostly unconcious, today is a good day to spend time with Carolina, especially since she cannot go into the PICU.

Breathing Tube Out

Sam has woken up enough to pull his own breathing tube out. Apparently it really irritated him.

The doctor had to make his incision a little longer in front than he initially thought - so it's lower than the old one used to be. They had to pull the whole defibrillator out in order to rewire it as well and it was tight getting it out and tight getting it back in.

He'll be in the PICU at least 24 hours.

Surgery Done

Sam has just been sewn up. The anesthesiologist has come to see us and said they actually made a second incision in Sam's belly in order to actually plug in the new lead. We didn't realize they were going to do two incisions initially. She said the epidural may not block the pain in the belly, but they will be working with him and checking on him all day.

One of my best friends works here in the hospital and she just called to say she actually saw him in the hall and he was being rolled to the PICU and he looked good. I heard from the anesthesiologist that he was a bit grumpy, but otherwise okay.

Update on Surgery

Sam's nurse just came in to give us an update.

They have placed a new lead on Sam's heart successfully. The doctors said it went "superbly" and they are very pleased. He is being sewn up as I write this. He will have at least five days of recovery in the hospital (he'll likely be in the PICU tonight).

UPDATE: They just made the incision. The epidural looks great. Everything is good right now.

We're in the PICU waiting room. Sam is waiting for his surgery now. They did an interrogation of the device and the numbers were down to the mid-2s.

He'll have an epidural for pain, but there is a chance that won't work.
I kept hearing the word "painful" over and over again. We'll see how his recovery will be.
Carmen, the family specialist, went back with him into the OR. He was acting drunk. They asked him where his underwear was and he burst out laughing (apparently) and everyone got a kick out of it.
Dr. Buck said they will leave the device off for 24 hours at least.
They are going to leave the old lead on his heart.
They are going to add this new lead to the back of his left ventrical, which is the stronger part of the heart. They are really hoping for a stronger signal.
It could take two and a half to four and half or more hours.
They ARE going to test the device by sending his heart into VTAC, but if they can't get a sustained VTAC they are not going to wear him out. Still, Dr. Buck said he wants to make sure it works properly. Last time it took 8 times before his heart was in sustained VTAC for the testing - Dr. Buck indicated they wouldn't wear him out like that this time.
Our pastor Harold drove in from Boone last night. He is with us.
Bill's mother is with us too (from Columbia, SC)
My brother is spending the day with us too.

Pray for his surgeon Dr. Stewart.

Sam's Surgery

This is Shannon posting for Teesa while they're out of town for Sam's surgery. I will post updates and pics as she sends them to me.

I talked to Teesa this afternoon, and was happy to hear a few bits of good news. First, Bill made it home in the wee morning hours today, after a delayed flight. You can imagine he is pretty exhausted.

Second, the Klears were able to secure a room at the Ronald McDonald House. Answered prayer! Teesa said it's very nice there, with a playroom, and free laundry facilities, and some meals provided throughout the week by Dominoes Pizza, and McDonald's, of course.

You probably remember the reason for Sam's surgery is to fix / replace a lead on the device attached to Sam's heart. When they checked the numbers on his device recently, it was a 4, which was up, but not high enough (needed to be above 5). With everyone entering cold and flu season in a few months, Sam's device needs to be reading properly in order to ensure that if he encounters a problem his device will pick it up and correct it.

His surgery is scheduled for 7:30 am tomorrow (August 18th). Please pray:

- for Sam to be brave and at peace

- for Bill and Teesa also to have Divine peace

- for the surgeon, Dr. Buck as he performs the procedure

- for Carolina during this time of transition

- for quick healing / recovery

- for the entire family to have some rest

Sam had an appointment this morning that went very well. Robin, his nurse practitioner brought him a mask like the gas mask he'll be wearing in the morning, plus a heart monitor, a shower cap & surgeon's mask - and a sock monkey. Sam pretended to be a surgeon. What a trooper. God has certainly given him a grace and peace.

Tomorrow, Robin will go back and forth between surgery and the PICU waiting room, where she will keep Bill and Teesa up-to-date on the progress.

Thank you all so much for your prayers - please spread the word!

Emergency Room...Again

We spent the better part of our day at the emergency room again. This time it was for Carolina. I'm afraid to say she tried to poke her out and was, thankfully, unsuccessful.

She happened to be running with a hard-nippled sippy cup when she fell eye-first into said nipple. My friend Casey kept a cool head and called 911 while I was freaking out about how much blood was pouring out of her eye, like tears. After I finally got my wits about me, we all moved towards my car where Casey drove us to the ER.

Thankfully, she only has a very bad abrasion on her conjunctivas. All I really understand is that her vision shouldn't be impaired. Unfortunately, I now have to administer ointment to said eye every four hours around the clock for 7 days. Gah! As if nights weren't bad enough!

Our church really rallied around us. I could not believe the showing. We even had PB&J sandwiches brought to us. Sam was thoroughly entertained. Casey was amazing.

Here's my poor little girl...believe it or not, it looks better here. Although I expect it to be much worse tomorrow. And, if you'll look closely, you can see the circular mark on her nose and forehead from the edge of that cup! That nipple is about half an inch long, so it must have penetrated pretty deeply.

Suddenly Showing

Carolina seems to be feeling better today than yesterday. She was a bit lethargic and clingy yesterday and today she's just clingy. It's a great thing that I love to wear my babies. We went to Wal Mart and I threw her in the Baby Bjorn and we had a blast. She loves to be close to me that way, although when she and Sam are facing each other like that (he's in the cart), they do tend to poke at each other increasingly more throughout our trips.

Afterwards, I was able to go over to Suddenly Showing and buy my very first Ergo Baby carrier! I've been wanting one since before Sam was born, but they only sold Baby Bjorns at that time in Hong Kong. I LOVE my Bjorn though, and so does Bill. We have worn that thing everywhere and it's still in great condition. Both kiddos have used it now and it was well worth what we spent. Someone from our church gave me enough money to buy one...so I wasn't going to pass up this opportunity.

I'm most excited about the Ergo Baby because I can now wear Carolina on my back, side or front, whereas with the Bjorn, I can only wear her on my front. I think this is going to help immensely with my cooking issues. As soon as I start boiling water or washing dishes, Carolina is at my feet screaming to be held. Obviously this isn't safe for her and so I have stopped cooking for the time being. It absolutely KILLS me to not cook or bake, but it's what is necessary right now.

I'm also hoping the Ergo Baby will help at the hospital, especially while Carolina is with us through nap time. She always sleeps really well when she's up against us or in her pack-n-play, but doesn't sleep as soundly in a stroller. In fact, I can't think of time that she has actually slept in a stroller at all. We do love to wear our babies.

So, if you're in Boone and you want an Ergo Baby, Suddenly Showing is definitely the place for you. Looks like she's having a sale on them this week too.

We have ONE more doctor's appointment tomorrow before we leave on Saturday. I'll post again then.

Two Days Until We Leave

We're heading out for Durham in just two days. I've already started gathering items to pack and we're going out this morning to get the last of our grocery items.

After talking about it some with several people, Bill and I think it would be best for us to stay at the Ronald McDonald House in Chapel Hill, if they have room for us. We've debated over this a lot, because we have a free room and generous blessings waiting for us at my brother's house, but it'll be about a 40 minute drive plus we'll have to pay for parking at UNC. We kept trying to think through what would happen to Carolina and how we would split up our time.

Please pray with us that a room will open up on Monday. That way we can get Carolina settled immediately and there won't be too much diversity in her life. We're going to try to keep her schedule to the same one we have here - as much as is possible. I'm sure that will help.

Sam awoke this morning and said he can't wait for his surgery next week. He said he's so happy about going to Chapel Hill. I've tried to be realistic in telling him what to expect, but I can't bring myself to tell him how much it's going to hurt. Instead, I've been pumping up the fact that his favorite doctors will be with him and how he gets to wear homemade Thomas PJs that our friend and neighbor has made, plus he will get to have a Thomas pillow too. I've bought several trains and lots of stickers and I'm trying my hardest to make this transition easy. I know this is going to be hard though. Keep praying for him.

Carolina's New Bug

It wouldn't be a real countdown to surgery unless someone in our family got a big illness. Carolina is the winner this time. Based on her bloodwork, she either has mononucleosis or adenovirus. Her tonsils are so swollen, they look like small golf balls. Today she's finally acting sick by laying around and whining a lot.

So, since you're already praying for us, please pray that Sam doesn't get this. Since Carolina doesn't have a fever and hasn't had a fever, she's most likely NOT contagious. Not until she gets a fever (and the few hours beforehand) will she be contagious. The doctor seems to think she won't get one since she's likely been sick for a couple days already.

Still, I know her throat hurts and it's obvious my baby doesn't feel well.

Keep us all in your prayers!

Regarding Sam's surgery: it is scheduled for 7:30am on Tuesday, August 18th. That's next Tuesday. We'll be at UNC Hospitals in Chapel Hill. He'll be in the CICU (Cardiac Intensive Care Unit) afterwards, until we're released.

10 Years Together

Bill and I have been married 10 years on August 14th. I just wanted to honor him now, before things get too crazy around here and I'm too busy to work anymore on this montage.

Bill, I love you dearly and am so proud that God ordained our lives to be made one. You are my best friend and sharing the great times and the difficult times with you over the last ten (well, 12) years has been my greatest treasure.

I miss you.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Sleep

We have definitely been having a difficult time adjusting lately. Mostly it's due to the fact that Carolina will not sleep. I cannot tell you how much that affects our entire family.

I was just reading a book called Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child suggested to me by a friend who adopted last Fall from Vietnam. I think Carolina's issues might be anxiety-related, according to this book. (By the way, this book is a MUST for folks who have adopted internationally.)

I have tried everything I can possibly think of to get this girl to sleep, but to no avail. She is very seriously in need of one full night's sleep (so is mommy and big brother). She will sleep for about two hours and then wake up intermittently to cry for 30 seconds, then remain quiet for two minutes and that will last about two more hours. The only soother is to get her a bottle of milk. In the last four nights she has has 32 ounces of milk every single night between the hours of 10pm and 6am.

I don't think she's hungry, although she might have acid reflux. I'll be seeing her doctor on Thursday to ask about that and to see how her ears have healed.

Please be in prayer for us as we approach Sam's surgery too. I do not know how this is going to affect Carolina - being in a new place for something so stressful. Plus I won't be with her some nights, but Bill will...still, she may have some difficulty. This part of the surgery will be new to us and I'm sure it will be difficult to handle.

There's no need to have anxiety about it right now, but I am going to be drawing some pictures to show her what's going to happen and try to talk to her about it. Maybe that will help...but who knows.

As for Sam, he is healthy and raring to go. He's really a remarkable young boy. I've caught him reading in bed with his bedside lamp on many times over the last week. He's also told me how he is "properly fine" recently. He's developing so well.

I thought I'd include a drawing of his. I was completely shocked to see how many letters he can write. I haven't taught him how to write any yet. This was done about four weeks ago.

Thoughts on Adoption

I honestly didn't think adopting a toddler would feel like having a newborn again. I suppose I was being a little bit unrealistic in my thinking. But, it's been almost two months that we've had Carolina home and I am finally getting my feet back on the ground.

I know everyone has been curious about how she is adjusting and I don't really have an answer to that question just yet. Just like with a newborn, every day changes, every minute has its own challenges. But, just like a newborn, we are filled with great love and appreciation for the very real and tangible blessing God has given us. Oh, and no sleep. Always with the sleep.

I have thought about how to describe adopting a child. The first week that we had her in China, I was filled with an overwhelming feeling of awe that the Lord would choose us for adoption. I hope I can explain this as well as it was explained to me by Him that first week and the following weeks.

When we were blessed after four and a half years of infertility with Sam, I was amazed that God would choose to make me a biological mother of my child. Then, when we almost lost Sam at 10 months-old, I begged God to not allow me to know the pain of losing my son, the way He sacrificed His only Son for us. I eventually (after a week of prayer) came to the decision that if the Lord chose to take my son, I would still give Him praise for even allowing me to have my son in the first place. Not only that, but I came to a point of thankfulness that He would choose ME, of all people, to understand, however remotely, the sacrifice He made in His Son for us.

Now, here we are almost two years later and I am faced with another honor. This honor is of knowing how it feels to adopt a child, just as God has adopted us into His family. Grafted, really. And here I am, feeling small and insignificant, and yet praising God because He chose me to know another small piece of His own puzzle in a very real way. I have adopted a child. I love my child as if she were from my own body. I don't know how it's possible, but it is very real. And very tangible, as I said before.

I still don't think I am explaining this correctly, but His words explain it best:

"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will-- to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves." Ephesians 1:4-6

So, in answer to everyone's question: Has she fully adjusted to our family? The answer is: I don't know, but we ARE a family. A complete family. We freely love her and I believe she loves us as well. What a wonderful example of God's love, even though we're far from perfect.

Coming Out Party

Our church recently hosted a coming out party for Carolina. We had such a great time! My mother had bought Carolina this lovely dress and sort of insinuated that I ought to use it for the party. I didn't need much convincing though - she's gorgeous in it.


My friend Casey has a friend who does cakes, and she had this beautiful one made. After I made a cake for another friend who was having a baby shower, I now know the pain and time involved in something this large. This cake was really delicious and after eating on it for a week, I can honestly say it was really moist. The icing even had a hint of almond flavor to it. Yum yum.


Our neighbor came and loved on Sam for a long time too. Another friend made Sam the largest fruit salad plate I have ever seen and he finished it in about five minutes. This boy loves his fruit.

Some other friends of ours who came must have realized heard through the grapevine that Carolina loves balls. This one was the largest ball she's ever seen and she immediately latched onto it. She plays with it every single day. Oh, and if you look closely, you can see Angelina Ballerina in the form of a tattoo on her arm (I've never seen the show!). We had a nice visit to Tweetsie the day before the party. Those tattoos take forever to get off!


I am not sure what Sam was up to here, but I can see our friends watching him closely. I thought this was a very funny pictures depicting his normal comings and goings. He's always got admirers, but some of them are a bit more suspicious than others!


They had set up a little rocking chair for Carolina and a big one for me. But, of course, the kids were all over the place, so we just sat on the floor eventually. Carolina got so many goodies! I just went through a lot of them today and cannot believe how long she is set for. In this photo, she's getting her very first baby doll. I bought her a baby doll stroller yesterday and she's been pushing it around with her doll since we opened it up. She's still unsure of how to handle a baby doll, but at least she knows she can hug it.

I always save the best for last. I love this photo. Sam just loved that Carolina was stuck up on the log and he enjoyed hugging and kissing her after sliding. It took a bit of coaxing at first, but after a bit, he was on board.

Every day is a better day than the last with these two. I can't imagine how good it is going to get, actually. Of course, we have days where we regress, but for the most part, we're a happy family. Just today when we got home from eating lunch with Bill, I caught Sam helping Carolina take her shoes off. It was such a sweet moment that I wish I could have caught it on film.

On a distinctly sadder note, we took a trip to Greensboro yesterday to see Sam's cardiologist. We learned that the miracle we had been praying for happened - the number on his lead went up from 2.3 to 4 (not sad, right?).

However, the number needed to be 5 or above for our cardiologist to feel comfortable with skipping the surgery. In the almost two years that Sam has had his defibrillator, that number has steadily been going down - so for it to have gone up is a real wonder. But, we are heading into cold and flu season and Sam's cardiologist wants him to be completely protected in case he gets a high fever this Fall or Winter and if that number is too low, his defibrillator could possibly miss an arrhythmia.

His doctor is planning on speaking to a Medtronics representative as well as his surgeon, but unless they feel otherwise, the surgery is still planned for August 18th. It's highly unlikely anything will change, but we are still hoping for a miracle. You can join us in praying.

Evaluation Update

Wow, great comments in that last post!! Thanks to everyone who gave suggestions and ideas to help Carolina eat. I will definitely try many of them. Imola, I loved your idea of giving her really well-cooked foods.

Since I last wrote my post, I have introduced tofu to Carolina and though she wasn't especially thrilled to eat it, she did eat all that I gave her. I also tried beans, but, alas, that was a no-go.

Her evaluation went well - there was a psychologist, a nutritionist and a woman who is trained in a few things, I believe.

Here's the general idea of where Carolina stands, though I'll have many more details later today:

Gross motor skills - 17 month-level
Fine motor skills - 14 month-level
Speech - 10 month-level

At 2:30 this afternoon I have another appointment where we will discuss our options and choose a plan of "attack" to get this girl on the right road.

Keep the suggestions coming! I think it's a very positive step that in the almost six weeks that we've had Carolina, she now eats Cheerios, eggs and tofu, whereas before she would only eat jarred pureed baby food. Progress is progress, right?

Oh, and we finally determined why Carolina pulls her tongue back when she has food or a bottle in her mouth. The general consensus is that she likely had to pull it back when she was given her bottle of porridge (with the nipple cut off) to protect her airway while laying down. As my friend Tracie pointed out in the comments, swallowing and eating really is a learned thing. Bad habits die hard.

Tomorrow's the Day

***UPDATED***
Just wanted to add (in addition to the comment I wrote in response to Joanna's) that we ARE offering Carolina solid, hard foods (okay for a child with no molars to eat). But, she is rejecting all of them. She spits them out constantly. With every meal, I offer her something hard/solid to eat. So far, she will only eat pureed and mashed up foods. She won't even eat ice cream though.

Original post follows:

The CDSA (Early Intervention) has a team of folks coming out tomorrow morning at 10am. I am so excited to see how their evaluation of Carolina goes. We scheduled it during a snack time, so the nutritionist can watch her eat.

I have talked with a few of you over the last week about my feelings on Carolina's eating troubles, but let me just put it down in words for everyone to read. You see, if you're just reading my blog, you don't have the whole picture of how life is here. Sure, it's all smiles for the camera, but it's definitely been a very difficult walk. It's 97% smiles and 3% tears and frustration.

That 3% of the time is usually when Carolina eats. I have never experienced anything more infuriating during my parenting than how this little girl eats. I get so frustrated.

I am constantly reciting the fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control) to keep myself from making an ugly face or saying something I'll regret. God has definitely kept me under His control, but at the end of the day, when the kids are both in bed and I start thinking about it - I can get really mad.

However, we are working on it and I am constantly trying to give her new foods to play with and then eat. She loves scrambled egg (which is solid!!), so I thought it would be smart to let her feed herself a bit (I usually feed her, as part of the attachment process) and then add a few Cheerios to the mix. Sure enough, once she had the idea that she could feed herself and got into a groove, she ate all the Cheerios. Since then, she has been eating Cheerios semi-regularly.

Alas, that is the most "solid" food she'll eat though. Still...it's progress, right? I am just persevering and hope that I will get some ideas from the folks tomorrow that will help even more.

I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

End of a Long Week

It's the end of a long week, filled with doctor's appointments every day, for both Carolina and me.


The long and short of it is, Carolina has hearing loss that is consistent with water in her ears - she can hear us at a conversational level, but nothing under that. However, if we can get that water to go away (either with tubes or time), she may regain her hearing.

Despite her hearing loss, she is already picking up on several words and sounds. She can now say: uh oh, dog, dada, gege (big brother in Chinese), gou gou (dog in Chinese) and today she said more.

Yesterday I was telling her no (to climbing up the stairs) and wagging a finger in her face when she put a hand on her hip and wagged her own finger back in my face. Cheeky. She is (typically) very obedient when I say no and immediately stops doing whatever it is, but she is really branching out on testing her limits.

We've had some really big struggles with food this week as well, but we've also had several victories (like mac 'n cheese and meatloaf). The Early Intervention folks are coming out next Tuesday to evaluate her. Hopefully, she'll qualify for help, because I am at my wit's end. She honestly tests my limits every day with her eating issues.

For myself, I have not had any more allergic reactions to anything - no more hives, rashes or itching, thank goodness. I am now seeing a new doctor who rose to the challenge of discovering what in the world is happening. I'm about to go off all my medicine on Sunday, so we shall see...

Today we went to Tweetsie with some great friends.


Sam wanted to wear his Baby Legs to look like Big Bird all day. It was quite chilly this morning, only in the 50's, so it was fine with me. Carolina wore hers too.

Always grabbing for something. Sam is obviously very serious about his Mouse Train ride.

Surgery Questions Answered

With all of the adoption fun going on, I've been negligent in informing everyone about Sam's surgery. We have been getting a lot of questions about the surgery, so I wanted to answer a few here.

At the end of July, Sam has another appointment with his cardiologist. At that time, his defibrillator will be "interrogated" and we will learn if the lead (wire) to his heart that has not been reading properly is still NOT reading properly.

That is to say, the number should be higher than 8 and it has steadily lowered to a number 1.8 and 2.3 on our last visits.

This means a surgeon needs to go back inside of Sam, take the lead off of his heart and find another location that "reads" a higher number.

There are many reasons for a lead reading low numbers: scar tissue, growth of the heart so the electrical current isn't flowing in the same spot anymore or even is dislodging a little (highly unlikely in our case).

He is NOT sick today. This surgery is merely to fix the lead, not to fix anything related to his condition. The main concern is that if this lead is not reading properly, his heart could go into an arrhythmia and the defibrillator might miss it.

If, at his next appointment, the lead is still reading low (it literally would be a miracle if it doesn't), he will have surgery on August 18th first thing in the morning.

We need to get this done before cold and flu season begins and we feel August is a good time.

This will be an extremely painful surgery. He will be on an epidural for two days. He has a minimum hospital stay of five days. We will be at UNC Hospitals in Chapel Hill for this surgery. Bill will be arriving from China on August 16th at RDU, the same day I will drive there with Sam and Carolina. IF his last surgery is any indication on how his defibrillator will handle this, we may have a problem.

His last surgery produced many inappropriate shocks within a short period of time, just as he was being moved to his bed.

So, please be in prayer that God will perform a miracle in Sam and his lead would read a higher number. However, if God chooses not to perform that miracle, please be in prayer for Sam starting today that he would not feel as much pain as they are telling us he will. Pray for us as we juggle Carolina and Sam at the hospital and pray for Bill to get over his jet lag quickly so he will be of use to me.

Questions? Post them and I will answer as best as I can.

Happy Fourth!

We had a blast playing at the Valle Crucis Park this morning at the Second Annual Freedom Breakfast with our friends. Sam and Carolina enjoyed the playground the most.

Carolina felt especially content and happy today.

She even enjoyed this beautiful dog (who was with our party),
until he looked at her. That's when she lost it.

Sam enjoyed lovin' on his daddy.

Another Ear Update

We visited Carolina's pedi this morning and she officially has no perforations in either ear! We will have an appointment with an audiologist to see how bad the hearing loss is, or if it's permanent. Also, she's got a strange little area on her face that has bumps, so we are being referred to a dermatologist for that.

All of her blood work came back and she's perfectly free of disease and is very healthy. She's gained half a pound in a week and a half! We're going to keep checking her height and weight when we come in over the next few months to make sure she's on par with her overall growth. Other than that, she's good to go!

We also had a visit with our friends Pam and Rob and their family this morning. You might remember that Carolina had many play dates with Rebekah, their newly adopted daughter, while we were in China. I don't think they remembered each other, but it was fun to see everyone interacting anyway.

And finally, the coup de gras: Carolina is now saying, "uh oh" and "dog"!!! Appropriately too!

We're so proud of her. She is definitely hearing better if she's mimicking our sounds and words.

Now if we can just get her to eat solids...

PS Joel, you have an open invitation to pick raspberries anytime you want. For free.

Finger Painting

I couldn't have two more different children.

Her first time with paints.

Mr. Careful

Signs of an Institutionalized Child

1. Even when there are toys around, a paper bag or coaster is always preferred. (This might be true of a lot of kids, but Carolina is especially partial to wooden objects or paper bags and rarely plays with toys.)



2 Any dish towel or hand towel will comfort her. I have found her on multiple occasions laying on the floor next to the oven with the dish towel in her arms while trying to take a nap. Bill learned that they used to lay a hand towel over her face while she was sleeping in the orphanage to keep the light out of her eyes.

3. She won't cry no matter how badly she is hurt. We are working on this one and it is getting better, but she still doesn't cry appropriately.

4. When she's done napping, she quietly waits in her crib for someone to get her. I have to check on her often to make sure she's not just sitting there waiting.

5. Kisses are still a mystery to her. She hasn't decided if she likes them or not, but will tolerate them for now. She won't smile when she receives them.

6. She hoards food in her mouth when she's done eating it.

7. She refuses to eat solid foods. Absolutely refuses. I'll post more on this later.

The good news is, even though there are even more signs that she has been institutionalized, she is adjusting quickly to her new life and is a fast learner. She fits into our family absolutely perfectly - she has a great sense of humor, she is very bright, she is extremely obedient (albeit obstinate as well), loves music and we all love to dote on her.


From Carolina herself:
t\
h yyyy FR

Have a great Wednesday.

Around the House

She definitely has a sense of humor.

Things have settled into a normal routine now. Last week I wasn't sure things would ever be back to "normal", or rather a "new normal," but time has helped.

Everyone was asking about how Sam first reacted to Carolina, and the truth is, he loved her from the first moment he saw her. Then his love started fading, because she woke up. Bringing a toddler into a home with another toddler is actually quite difficult. She steals his toys, loves his mommy and daddy and just generally invades every facet of his life.

However, all the house guests are gone and they are actually playing with each other. Sam still needs time to himself every day, so Carolina and I can do housework upstairs while he watches a TV show or plays with his trains. Otherwise, life is good at the Klear house. Really good. I can see that both of them are starting to love each other now.

Two nights ago, playing peekaboo with his curtains.

Out at the raspberry bushes yesterday. She's not really sure what
to think of grass and nature. She's such a city girl.

Sam is addicted to our raspberries. If he sees one, he has to eat it. He can barely stop himself. I need to get it on video, because it is truly an addiction in its purist form.

His face is sort of funny here, but it's only because I
made him stop eating raspberries to take a picture.

Just Because

Jet lag #1

Jet lag #2

Bubbles


At the library

Lovin' the T-shirt - Bill wants to get them tattoos that say the same

Ears and such

Carolina's pediatrician looked at her ears yesterday and said they improved some. He could actually see an entire ear drum in one ear and a partial in the other. He said they're still perforated, but we will check again in two weeks. If at that time they are still perforated, we will see an ENT. If not, we will see an audiologist and check for permanent hearing loss.

We have an appointment with the Early Intervention folks in July and a nutritionist will come during the initial evaluation. I'm very happy about that, because my biggest priority right now is getting this girl on solid foods.

In the meantime, my face turned bright red overnight, along with my upper body. Now my legs and feet are red too. My body is hot and really really itchy. I saw my doc this morning (thanks to Trish for babysitting Sam for me!) and he said it's one of two things (he thinks). Either I had strep some time in the recent past and this is my body's reaction to it, or I am having an allergic reaction to something else. So, now I'm on penicillin and doubled my dosage of steroids (I should be weight lifting with all these steroids!) and we'll see how the weekend goes. Since penicillin is a cousin to the other antibiotic I'm definitely allergic to, I don't know what to expect this weekend.

I took a quick picture of myself to show you how much "better" I am. My lips are a bit swollen too and I'm itchy all over. Surely it will get better. I am still dealing with jet lag too, so this is just an annoyance on top of everything else I need to do. Pray for me though!

Pics

Beautiful baby.

Playing with Grandmommy.

Sam and I got up early and made cinnamon rolls.

Apparently balls are her favorite.

Vacation Bible School started this week. This is Sam and his best bud Trathan.

My little diva.

We had our first visit from the CDSA yesterday (Early Intervention). It was wonderful. I had called about two weeks before I left and made a referral for Carolina. I am so glad I did. I think she's going to get exactly the sort of help she needs and my main goal is for me to get the tools I need to encourage her to catch up to her developmental milestones.

We're seeing her pediatrician again today. He called yesterday with some updates and concerns about vaccinations and such. They need to make a growth chart for her too, and I had forgotten to bring all of her weights. We're not sure if this is normal for her (to be so tiny) or if she had a rapid decrease in percentiles at some point, so we'll know more today. Also, her ears seem to be doing a bit better and she's regained some hearing. I think I will get a referral to an ENT so we can assess just how bad the damage is. She definitely is not hearing everything.

Sam has been having a hard time with her, but yesterday was a much better day than any other. I'm figuring out a few things that I had neglected to do before (like ask him to go potty every hour to avoid accidents). I've been doing a little bit of spoiling with him for the last few days, but his grandparents are leaving today and life begins as normal once they go. No more spoiling, just getting into the groove of life. Sounds easy, right? We'll see...

I'll update more after the doctor's visit this afternoon.

Doctor Visit

I have very bad news to report about Carolina. She has two ruptured ear drums and massive ear infections in both ears. We started her on Amoxocillin today and will give her Tylenol around the clock for 48 hours.

Can you imagine flying with two ruptured ear drums? It's no wonder she cried the whole way home. My poor baby!

I noticed two days after we got her some pus and waxy stuff coming out of her ear. A lot of it. I thought then that she might have an ear infection, but we needed to wait to see a doctor here. Then on the airplane, I noticed some goo in her ear completely sealing up her ear canal. Yesterday morning she was completely deaf. A couple hours later the pus and waxy stuff started coming out again and I realized she had ruptured her ear drum.

That was confirmed today. You should have seen the doctor's face when he looked in her ears. I know he's seen some bad stuff, but he said this was terrible. He said both of her ears were the same, both perforated.

She must be in such pain! Look at how she's had to cope with pain in the past - it breaks my heart to know she's not exhibiting the pain because of how nobody has paid attention to her in the past. I hope we can show her the love and care we need to even though she's not expressing how badly she hurts.

Hopefully she'll be on the road to recovery in 24 hours. At least we know now. We'll deal with her other issues (if she has any) in two weeks at our follow-up.